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Philadelphia, June 18, 1775
My Dearest: I am now set down to write to you on a subject, which
fills me with inexpressible concern, and this concern is greatly
aggravated and increased, when I reflect upon the uneasiness I know it
will give you. It has been determined in Congress, that the whole army
raised for the defence of the American cause shall be put under my
care, and that it is necessary for me to proceed immediately to Boston
to take upon me the command of it. You may believe me, my dear Patcy,
when I assure you, in the most solemn manner that, so far from seeking
this appointment, I have used every endeavor in my power to avoid it,
not only from my unwillingness to part with you and the family, but
from a consciousness of its being a trust too great for my capacity,
and that I should enjoy more real happiness in one month with you at
home, than I have the most distant prospect of finding abroad, if my
stay were to be seven times seven years. But as it has been a kind of
destiny, that has thrown me upon this service, I shall hope that my
undertaking it is designed to answer some good purpose. You might, and
I suppose did perceive, from the tenor of my letters, that I was
apprehensive I could not avoid this appointment, as I did not pretend
to intimate when I should return. That was the case. It was utterly
out of my power to refuse this appointment, without exposing my
character to such censures, as would have reflected dishonor upon
myself, and given pain to my friends. This, I am sure, could not, and
ought not, to be pleasing to you, and must have lessened me
considerably in my own esteem. I shall rely, therefore, confidently on
that Providence, which has heretofore preserved and been bountiful to
me, not doubting but that I shall return safe to you in the fall. I
shall feel no pain from the toil or the danger of the campaign; my
unhappiness will flow from from the uneasiness I know you will feel
from being left alone. I therefore beg, that you will summon your
whole fortitude, and pass your time as agreeably as possible. Nothing
will give me so much sincere satisfaction as to hear this, and to hear
it from your own pen.
If it should be your desire to remove into Alexandria
(as you once mentioned upon an occasion of this sort) I am quite
pleased that you should put it in practice, & Lund Washington may be
directed, by you, to build a Kitchen and other Houses there proper
for your reception - if on the other hand you should rather Incline to
spend good part of your time among your Friends below, I wish you to
do so - In short, my earnest, & ardent desire is, that you would
pursue any plan that is most likely to produce content, and a
tolerable degree of tranquillity; as it must add greatly to my uneasy
feelings to hear, that you are dissatisfied or complaining at what I
really could not avoid.
As life is always uncertain, and common prudence dictates to every man
the necessity of settling his temporal concerns, while it is in his
power, and while the mind is calm and undisturbed, I have, since I
came to this place (for I had not time to do it before I left home)
got Colonel Pendleton to draft a will for me, by the directions I gave
him, which will I now enclose. The provision made for you in case of
my death will, I hope, be agreeable. I have Included the Money for
which I sold my own Land (to Doctr Mercer) in the Sum given you, as
also all other Debts. What I owe myself is very trifling - Cary's
Debt excepted, and that would not have been much if the Bank stock had
been applied without such difficulties as he made in the Transference.
I shall add nothing more, as I have several Letters to write, but to
desire that you will remember me to Milly & all Friends, and to assure
you that I am, with the most unfeigned regard, my dear Patcy, Yr
Affecte
P.S. Since writing the above I have receivd your
Letter of the 15th and I have got two suits of what I was told was the
prettiest Muslin. I wish it may please you - it cost 50/. a suit that
is 20/. a yard. |